Snowman hood ornament

Things don’t always work out how we want them too.  That’s an important lesson to learn, kids, very important.  Once we’ve learned it a couple times the hard way, we know not to let ourselves get our hopes up too high, but at the same time not to deny ourselves the excitement of possibilities.  So I let myself get a little excited, daydream a little, and plan a little, but not too much, and it turned out to be the right thing to do.

I needed to sell my current car for at least $6,500 to be able to afford the’65 beauty and it didn’t work out.  The only way I was going to get that much for the current unit was from the local VW dealer, and since gas prices are low (my reasoning, they didn’t give me one) they already have too many used Bugs on their lot and don’t want mine.  So I got $0 for it, which is just a little shy of my goal.

The current unit is good, runs well enough, but it’s not a classic, which has been my dream car since about 1987.  And the beauty had a new clutch, which I think current car needs (to the tune of nearly a thousand clams), and that sealed the deal: there was just no way I wasn’t going to at least try to get that car.  So I tried and it didn’t work out, but at least I tried.

In other news, the first real threat of winter is here and no one really seems all that happy about it.  It snowed two hours west of here where the love lives but has maintained at no precip and steadily decreasing temperatures with increasing gloominess all day.  I expect snow tonight, but if it doesn’t show up I won’t be at all upset.  We all know this little snowfall isn’t going to last, but what we also know is that this is the first of many in a long, long, long string.

Ugh.

Also, the weather is killing my sinuses.  The pressure system that’s bringing this nonsense in is smushing my poor sinuses and killin my head.  Not fun.  I miss spring and summer already.

Sure it’s boring, but I don’t do it for readership. I do it for my sanity

I decided I’d finally gotten almost enough rest after yesterday’s GS event, so I went out shopping.  Got two new bras and some food (yogurt whips at only 39 cents! i got 4), then came home because I’d spent enough time away from my awful home-crap-home.

I’ve also come up with yet another wedding plan, and I’m pretty excited about this one, and it’s the most feasible one yet.  We’ll see how it goes.

My sinuses are killing me and I don’t know why.  Part of me thinks it might have something to do with the air pressure, but maybe it’s just work pressure. I’ve got a lot going on this week, something scheduled every day this week. At least homecoming is this week, and Josh is coming here for it and me this Friday night.

I killed Sirius Black…

I dreamed I was out of debt and the clutch worked properly

For as much as he pisses me off, and as much as his faults have hurt me, and as much as he tolerates and helps me with my myriadddddddddddddd faults, I love that boy, and he’s gotten more wonderful today.  He was driving back to the office from a call across town and saw a 1965 Bug sitting on a corner for sale.  He stopped and took a picture of the car with the for sale sign in the window.  It’s a gorgeous white car with a new clutch, engine, and other bits. He’s not asking that much and said if he’s still got it in a couple weeks I can make him an offer.

I’m in love (yes, I’m in love a lot, I know) with the little guy.  Sure he needs a new interior, and he has about 1,700 more miles than the car I’ve already got, but I can be out of debt in a few months if I get this car.  The only thing holding me back is selling the one I’ve got for at lest six grand. Not gonna happen, but I can dream, can’t I?

Shoe Love

I am in love with these shoes.

Free chocolate

I got a confirmation from one of my schools today that they have received the two attachments I sent them.  I think I’ll wait until next Wednesday to contact them again about whether my letters of recommendations showed up where they were supposed to.

I’m slowly learning that a part of what makes my situation so miserable for me is the indecision and uncertainty surrounding it all.  I’m sitting on whether I CAN go or stay, rather than being at a place where I’ve picked one and accepted that decision as my new reality. I had told my boss a few months ago that I was considering quitting and moving to be with the love in December ( a convenient time since I work at a school and even though we’re not an academic department, we still operate on an academic schedule), and she asked me today if I was still considering it, which forced me to think about it as I was explaining where I was with it all to her.  It’s a matter of money first, career second, and following through with all my big projects third.  Another consideration is that with this job I have a LOT of freedom.  I can stock up comp days and take three (or five like last month) day weekends.  I’m planning to take off the whole week of Thanksgiving, and I can do that at this job, something I know would not be available to me elsewhere.

So I’m thinking I’ll stay. But we’ll see.  But probably going to stay here.

The other thing is that my landlord needs to do some work on a unit down the street, and he’s seen that I’m miserable here and figures I probably want out, so he’s talked to the tenant there and that guy has agreed to transfer to my unit in March or so when the landlord gets to that project.  So I’ve got a sub leaser and am free from my lease come March. But if I stay here I don’t know if I’ll want to have to find a room to rent just for a couple months and might have to tell the landlord I’d like to stay here through May to make it easier on myself.

Also today there was a P&S employee meet with the president (of the university) thing.  Got free lemon-cheesecake and mint-chocolate bars and small candy and punch and got to hear him talk about how there’s no money and not only is there none coming, but we have to give back some of what we were already given.  Basically, it was a twenty minute PowerPoint with one message:  “Uh-oh”.  But still cool to meet the president.  Again. And get free food, because that’s always good.

The apps are in

Last night I spent $85 on graduate applications and finished the online portions of my graduate applications.  All that’s left is to send off for transcripts and send in one more bit of information to a school.  Then sit around and wait.  For. Six.  Weeks.

I asked the schools that required that I email themthings to confirm that they had received them, and some of this stuff was sent out on Monday and I still haven’t heard back.  I’m suspicious because I heard back after just a day when I contacted one of the schools about other issues to decide whether or not to apply.

I could throw up.

So dense s/he probably thinks Faux News is more than retarded editorializing.

So I went home this weekend like I do almost every weekend, and like almost every weekend, there’s something interesting to say about the largely uninteresting things that happened, with the exception of the very interesting things that did happen involving a certain lunatic whom it is in my best interest, I believe, not to mention in this run-on sentence.  I will say that I think this whole thing will resolve in our favor and that this lunatic strikes as someone so dense that s/he probably thinks Faux News is more than retarded editorializing.

For now though, I’ll leave it all at that and do what I had forgotten about when I laid out my original plans for the evening (apply to graduate school), and catch up on all the shows I missed while I was at home.

I sound like an idiot and I don’t care — there is a puppy involved.

So the birthday left something to be desired.  I’ve whined about it before, but this is where it really comes out:  it sucks staying in your college town a year and a half after all your friends graduate and move away.  I spent my birthday teaching 9 classes from 9-2PM, then stopped at a Hardees on the way home for lunch, talked on the phone with the family while I was there for a while, then drove home and spent the night by myself.  My friends called and texted, but it’s just not the same as actually being with people.

It got better when I woke up this morning and it was 60 degrees in here because I didn’t latch my kitchen window well enough and the top part slid down.  60 is really farkin cold!  I wore my winter coat to walk to work this morning.  But!

Work was awesome.  I didn’t have a whole lot of annoying things to do, and the student employee got a puppy yesterday, who she brought in today!  I love puppy!  She’s a 7 week-old shih tzu (one-quarter pekingese) and is almost too cute to be real.  When she grows up she’ll have those kinda weird, creepy bug eyes, but the fluffy hair and little legs, and sliding around on the polished cement in the office today made up for it.  She’s really smart, likes to run and nap, and she even snores, which just might be the cutest thing ever.

I sound like an idiot and I don’t care — there is a puppy involved.

Then I worked late tonight because I’m going home after work tomorrow! A three day weekend paid for last week by the 7 day work week. I won’t get home until about 1030 tomorrow night since I have to teach an hour east of here and home is two and a half hours west of here, but that’s okay, because I’ll wake up next to the love tomorrow and that’s pretty freakin awesome

It’s my birthday

Isolation increases suffering

So I never got around to fixing yesterday’s update and I am really sorry about that.  Really.  Just torn to pieces and devastated about my lack of ambition toward my silly little thing her.

Or not.  Because I don’t care that much about that.  Yes, I admit I don’t give as much of a shit about my blog as others do, and this may be part of the reason I have few to no readers and will remain utterly unsuccessful in monetizing it. Another failed prong in the fork of monetizing the blog is having ever actually tried to do so.  But I digress.  From what?  Who the hell knows; I never actually started with anything in mind here.

All I’ve got for today is that work turned out not to be as awful as it really could have been today.  I could have been forced into firing the last person in this damn city I can in a vague, sad way refer to as a friend. This is all due to the fact that the new girl at work is one helluva woman and I could take a lesson or two from her.

But this isn’t about her, because we’re not quite stupid enough to discuss work at length here or anywhere for two reasons: 1) I don’t wanna be dooced.  Who the hell is that stupid anymore?  I think Heather learned that lesson for all of us, though it did eventually, after some suffering, work out pretty well for her. and 2) no one wants to listen to me bitch and moan about my life, least of all me.  I live alone, almost absolutely. I live in my head, have inside jokes between me and myself, and the majority of my conversations in the course of almost any given weekday are between me and my inner dialogue.  Yeah, lameness.

On the upside, since Josh has moved, my life has been reduced to work, then dinking around on the internet, and TV.  Lots of TV.  When I found out the Grey’s and House premieres were coming out last week it felt like a friend was coming back into my life.  When I realized this, I was sad.  Just sad.  My life, for now, is sad and lame, and I know it.  I’m working on it.  I’m just stagnating in so many ways now it’s ridiculous.  I’m not sure how this is the upside, other than the fact that my friends are back! YAY party in my living room with me and the casts of two shows worth of people who don’t know me and don’t do anything for me other than provide a little company for a couple hours a week.

The cold is still hanging around, making my head feel more and more bloated by the day.  The pressure is still here today, but not as bad as Sunday, when I was sure my left eye was going to pop out of my head.  Now it’s all in my ears and I’ve been sure all day that I wouldn’t be able to hear a thing because of the pressure.  It’s like wearing a fishbowl fake spaceman helmet.  But then it turns out I can hear things just fine.  Which gives me no excuse not to do things at work.

The race on Saturday was awesome and I will miss that program dearly.  I’ll never see it again because I’m leaving this place in May of next year, and no one may ever see it again because its funding has been axed.

But it’s time to quit whining so much.  Last week one of my mom’s friend’s daughters died.  She was around 8 months pregnant and died very suddenly of a congenital heart problem. She was a relatively healthy pregnant eighteen year old one hour, and a dead woman the next, leaving behind a baby who had to be removed from her post mortem.  My mom’s friend and her husband are now left without the the daughter with with a baby 18 years younger than their youngest child.  In my talks with my mom, there has been no mention of father of baby and I don’t ask too much.  I just know that it could be a hell of a lot worse.  A lot worse.